Writer’s Journal

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Aesthetic

I wish I could invite you into an aesthetic. We could sit in a white room on a blush couch free of crumbs and random letters. Drink sweet tea in matching cups, served on a wooden tray without stains of other lives. A perfectly neutral space where you could rest your feet on a plush pouf, instead of regrets. There would be order & the perfect border of white space hiding closets full of autobiographies & sharp knives. I could invite you into an aesthetic lie, but really, where’s the fun in that?

5 Words

I have a terrible self image and I suck at seeing my strengths. My therapist suggested I ask some people I trust for 5 words they feel describe me. I actually proceeded to ask almost everyone I know which probably wasn’t really the point, but it did make me feel really good to see the words people used to describe me. Excuse the passé use of a word cloud, but it seemed the best visual way to summarize the replies:

Soaking Spring

Spring fell in three days of relentless rain. Soaking the first sprouts and turning yards to fresh mud. While we waited for the leaves, the birds filled the trees instead, with long awaited song. Soon the colors will wake from their long sleep, and we will believe that hope is what made it all bloom once more.

Croning

I had a revelation last night about how I’ve gone through life never feeling good enough because I have based my worth on whether or not I’d be seen as attractive to a man. Last night I was like, fuck this. I want to be a wise old crone with waves of grey hair and mala beads wrapped around the skin of my crepe paper arms. I want to welcome people to come sit and talk and be comforted. To perhaps spill some wise words. I never again want to give a fuck if someone finds me attractive. What a shallow way to think about men as well.

Happy New Year

In 2024 let’s choose to live.

Let’s choose fun over fear.
Let’s create for ourselves rather than for likes.
Let’s make terrible art.
Let’s laugh at stupid shit.
Let’s love and be open to others without the fear of rejection.
Let’s choose people who go out of their way to show us they care over the assholes who treat us like burdens.
Let’s make the world a better place.
Let’s promote what we love rather than giving space to what we hate.
Let’s look at each other with compassion.
Let’s be vulnerable.
Let’s be soft.
Let’s realize that each person is inherently worthy of our love.
Let’s realize that we are the people inherently worthy of love.
Let’s create a circle of acceptance.

I love you all. I hope you carry that love and just a dash of hope into 2024.

Happy New Year!