I’m tired of feeling like I have to hate things.
I’m tired of living in a society I didn’t create full of asshole billionaires who are the only ones with enough money to create things.
I’m tired of living in a society I didn’t create full of capitalistic corporations who only care about making money and not saving the planet or helping the homeless and hungry.
I am tired of never enjoying anything because of who may have given money to a cause I don’t believe in, or who may be making money off of my data, or who is the biggest dick of all the white male dicks who own everything in the world.
I didn’t create this society. I’m doing my best in this society. I’m vocally anti-racist, anti-homophobic/transphobic, open to everyone just being their best selves and living their lives. I don’t eat meat because of factory farming and its impact on the climate. I don’t spray chemicals on my lawn because of its impact on the ground water and the pollinators . I try to consume mindfully. I try to avoid companies who are openly rightwing and hateful. I left Twitter because of Elon.
But I also have to live in this society I didn’t create somehow. I have to eat and consume somehow. I didn’t decide to put everything in plastic and then let that plastic pollute the water and the soil. I didn’t decide to embrace capitalism above human rights. I didn’t decide to concentrate the wealth to the top 1% while everyone else starves.
Yet I do what little one person can do to change that.
But I also get this one life. Just one. Just one time to be here and try to find a little joy. I’m tired of feeling tremendous guilt because my laundry soap is in a plastic bottle. Tremendous guilt because I purchased something frivolous. Tremendous guilt because I use Amazon and Spotify.
And tremendous guilt because I’ve stayed on Instagram and am now enjoying Threads even though Zuck is another horrible rich white man.
I’ve actually really enjoyed Threads. I missed a text based social media. But I feel like I’m supposed to hate it and condemn it. I feel like I’m supposed to live in a society I didn’t create like an ascetic. Give up all worldly joys because someone is making money from it who is probably a terrible person.
I’m tired of never admitting to enjoying anything. I enjoy scrolling Instagram. I enjoy scrolling Threads. I enjoy buying books. I need very little in life. Can’t I enjoy those few things in an awful society that I didn’t create without shame?