2016 is when I rediscovered my love of writing poetry. Although I had begun writing poetry in my teens, life, marriage, and motherhood soon took over and I forgot how much I loved writing. I still kept journals in those years, but most creative pursuits became a thing of the past. In 2016, out of nowhere, my brain started to think in poetry again. I was out in the yard and thought:
my yard is mostly clover,
I’m not sure that I care,
it grows without effort
and is green when rain is rare.
Ok, not a work of Shakespeare, but it triggered something in my brain. I started writing tiny poems – what I called everyday haiku, but were not really haiku – and that lead to longer poems. When I discovered that Instagram had a large poetry community, I started writing to prompts and building a circle of poet friends and that’s when I really rediscovered my voice again. Here are some of those poems from 2016
- Harjo
- Is This Living
- What Never Was
- Remember Me As I Am
- Fixer Upper
- I Don’t Look Good in Yoga Pants
- Woman of Air
- A Wish For My Children
- Silenced
- Don’t Ask Why
Harjo
Stayed up late reading Harjo
and composing poems in my head,
drinking wine, longing for youth,
when I should have been in bed.
July 6, 2016
Is This Living?
You went to sit outside in the sun
because from what you’ve read
you need some sun for Vitamin D,
but you don’t want to stay out too long
because, after all, the sun will give you
Cancer.
It’s nice out though,
you’d like to stay out longer,
so you think about slathering on some sunscreen.
But wait –
didn’t you maybe read that sunscreen contains toxins
that might be worse for you than the sun?
Maybe even something about it not being
good for the planet?
Dioxins or something?
So you bike to the store
to buy something good for you
and the earth.
You decide to buy some strawberries because
they look so fresh and ripe,
but only organic, after all, pesticides will give you
Cancer.
And, oh good, they’re grown in the US,
can’t trust those strawberries from Mexico.
You get home,
coat yourself in sunblock, and
take your strawberries outside to
eat while you get caught up with the
news of the day on your phone,
which you don’t use too much
because, after all, cell phones cause
Cancer.
Now here’s an article that says
Sugar causes
Cancer.
You’ve been avoiding sugar anyway
because all the articles say to these days –
it’s like cocaine to your brain, after all.
You look at the strawberries –
is all sugar bad? Is fruit sugar ok?
You sigh and put the strawberry down,
decide to just eat an early dinner instead.
Brown rice (not from China – too much arsenic),
tofu (non-GMO, of course),
organic kale (need those super greens).
Later you fall into bed, exhausted,
worrying that your memory foam mattress
is probably giving you
Cancer
while you sleep,
grateful for the knowledge
to protect yourself from,
well,
Everything.
July 11, 2016
What Never Was
I am sustained
in my reality
by fantasies
of young things I
am too old to pursue.
Rock n Roll,
dead end jobs, and
smelly apartments shared with boys.
Starving for my art,
being loved from afar.
Stories of stardom
and heartbreak
and unrequited love.
Now my old unrequited loves
have grey in their beards
and the time I crave is gone.
If only I’d known then
how young I was,
I would be sitting here
laughing over old memories,
instead of being
torn apart by
what never was.
August 8, 2016
Remember Me As I Am
Remember me as I am now
before my hair turns grey
and my skin turns thin.
Before I gaze on you with
watery eyes and sometimes
forget your name.
Remember me as I am now
with energy to run behind
your bike as you learn to ride.
Before my bones start to ache
and my soul needs rest.
Remember me as I am now,
holding your hand as we
cross the street, carefully
making sure it’s safe.
Before you grow up and
into a careless world where
people watch only for themselves.
Remember me as I am now
fixing your scrapes
with a band-aid and a kiss.
Before your hurts are too
big for me to doctor and
your worries too big for
me to ease.
Remember me as I am now,
flawed and full of love, with
crazy dreams of all we can do
before we grow up and grow old
in a world that never stops moving.
August 28, 2016
Fixer Upper
Run away to the ocean
with me to show me
how blue it should be,
but isn’t, never was, can’t be.
Should be.
Should.
Never an answer,
only a regret.
Don’t have a regret.
Have a life.
You know how.
See it. Touch it.
Run with it in your hand.
Don’t stop.
Don’t look back.
Don’t die like I’ve died in myself.
I’ve given up the dream.
No fight. No victory.
You ran away
with my life in your hand.
Like you were never here
in this dark spiderweb place.
It’s dank and musty.
Never used, yet not kept up.
This place of no one.
My heart.
For sale –
needs work.
August 29, 2016
I Don’t Look Good in Yoga Pants
Other women meet life with an effortless grace
(while I feel I take up a bit too much space)
and they all seem to be in on the “Knowing.”
They order their half-caff lattes with confidence,
and their butts look amazing in tight yoga pants
(while mine seems to be ever-growing).
Their makeup is flawless, they straighten their hair,
while my curls are a mess and my face usually bare.
(Is there a secret club where they learn these things?)
They have beautiful kids and husbands who cook
and every perfect moment is shared on Facebook
(with the many gushing comments that brings.)
I know that I’m not like most of these women,
I can’t understand trends and I’ve never fit in
(I’m not sure how that makes me feel.)
I have a crazy family, a few friends who know me,
(well worn jeans, poetry, and regular coffee)
my quiet days are imperfect and real.
I do admire the women who tackle life with grace,
who know it’s ok to claim their own space
(I wouldn’t mind having some of their glow).
Be kind to each other as we move through our lives,
we’re all being our best women, mothers, and wives –
(this one thing, for sure, even I know).
September 1, 2016
Woman of Air
According to the Internet, the Yiddish word “luftmensch” means “an impractical dreamer.” It translates literally to “air person.” That is so me. I spend way too much time on my own head and way too little in real life.
September 2, 2016
A Wish For My Children
May their minds be filled with meaningful words,
their ears with beautiful music,
their eyes with breathtaking sights,
and their hands with the courage to create them.
May their hearts be filled with endless love and acceptance,
and their lives with boundless joy.
September 19, 2016
Silenced
Have you ever wanted
to climb up to the roof,
stand with feet planted,
one above the other on the slope,
to scream your truth into the sunrise?
Without a tremble in your voice,
Without a doubt in your words?
Instead my opinions
stay firmly locked in my throat,
escaping a little at a time
with a shiver and a squeak
and a fear that I’ll be silenced
by loud people with vicious voices
causing me to retreat to my quiet thoughts.
So many loud people.
So many vicious voices.
The roof is just too steep,
the sunrise too bright,
my voice too unsure
to scream my truth into the void.
October 16, 2016
{ how social media makes me feel }
Don’t Ask Why
If you fall out of love
on a winter’s day
while drinking a latte
at your favorite cafe –
don’t ask why.
If your new love
hops on a plane
to learn how to make
Paella in Spain –
don’t ask why.
If your dear old mom
gets a new tattoo
of Dave fuckin’ Grohl
because she’s a fan of Foo –
don’t ask why.
Life is crazy
in a whole lotta ways
and it’ll make it easier
to get through the days –
if you learn to just not ask why.
October 29, 2016